Wednesday 10 June 2009

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life

Argh, I feel awful. And it's one of those awfuls where I don't actually know why.
Maybe I'm working myself too hard.
Maybe I'm fed up of living in this house with these people.
Probably I'm just angry at myself.

Last night there was a party at a friend's house. The housemates went and had fun (and got back at three in the morning and woke me up). I didn't go because I only knew one person who was there (my housemates didn't say they were going, I just came downstairs to find that they'd gone).
And yeah, they had loads of fun and it sounds like it was an amazing evening with juggling and poi and skating and allsorts. And what did I do? Stayed in and did "work".

And this is something I've been doing a lot, avoiding social situations so I can stay in and do work then end up not actually working. Just another pattern I have to try and break.

One of the other things I'm feeling at the moment is that I'm not really as independant as I thought, and that I depend on my housemates for too much and probably take loads of stuff they do for granded.

I don't know how I'm going to solve this situation.
Maybe I'll just take the day off.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Paul. I'm feeling pretty crap at the moment in a similar way.

    I know what it's like when you (the general 'you') end up resigning yourself to your room and everyone else seems to be having fun. It's like that at the moment but no matter how long I spend in front of this laptop, I can't seem to get things done. The fact that I really *want* to get this out of the way seems to be of zero consequence, it doesn't help me get it done at all.

    I feel like I'm a failure to Surge by being so neglectful of the forum, not having done my handover, etc etc, and just have a ton more work to do (handover stuff + the million things I have on my Surge list that just won't get done and I'll feel bad about it). Obsessively I find myself completely unable to do a half-arsed job at that -- I will end up spending hours next week killing myself because I'm so damn obsessive about being 'complete' and making things look nice, *especially* when it doesn't matter. If it's my course and matters a lot, well that's a different story. I'm so screwed up, I hate myself sometimes, I can't seem to do anything right; always have the wrong approach.

    I've only skim-read your post since at the moment I don't feel like I have enough time to do anything -- so much on my mind, I can't concentrate. Have some work to finish and feel like I am just incapable.

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